1. De'Anthony Thomas, you're an excellent player, but PLEASE use a nickname other than Black Mamba. There is only one Black Mamba, and he does not wear #6 and play for Oregon. He wears #24, has 5 rings, is an All-Star and is All-NBA, and plays for the Lakers.
Real Black Mamba:
Please come up with your own:
2. I don't care what you think of them, running QBs like Mike Vick, Cam Newton, and RG3 just make the NFL more fun.
3. Really, you wanna call USC football a bunch of cheaters? Then call Alabama, Auburn, Ohio St., LSU, Miami, Oklahoma, Texas, etc. cheaters too. See where I'm going with this?
4. No Vin Scully slander is allowed. Ever. Don't care who your team is, man is a living legend.
5. Can we all agree that if his daddy wasn't who he was, Joe Buck would NOT have the jobs he has today calling the NFL and baseball?
6. If you say you don't like watching Inside the NBA on TNT, you should immediately be drug tested.
7. If you're a dude and choose to watch Basketball Wives, Real Housewives, or any of those shows over a game, do me a favor and turn in your man card. NOW. The only acceptable excuse would be if your wife or your girl put a gun to your head and/or threatened to cut your dick or nuts off.
8. I don't care how good they get, the Clippers will always be that little brother of the Lakers.
9. I've been fucking done with ESPN First Take for a while now, and it feels great. Why? Skip Bayless' inability to get Tebow's, the Cowboys', the Spurs' cocks outta his mouth.
10. I like Tim Tebow as a person, I really do. Seems like a good dude. But I just can't get behind him as a football player. You wanna know why, look at #9.
11. Hockey is the most underrated of all the major sports.
12. Replacement refs suck donkey cock.
13. If you're a Lakers fan and you wear green on St. Patrick's Day, slap yourself and punch yourself. Yes, I mean punch, not pinch.
14. Magic Johnson by The Red Hot Chili Peppers is really the best sports-related song ever. Do not fucking argue with me.
15. I think Bill Simmons is a good writer, but I really would think more highly of him if he wasn't such a fucking Boston Celdicks homer.
16. LeBron may have won his first ring, but his hairline will forever be slandered.
17. Blake Griffin stays looking goofy in those damn Kia commercials, for those, he earns slander.
18. The Dark Knight trilogy and Kobe's career have many parallels.
19. It's OK to root for individuals not playing for your team because you like them, unless they play for a rival. Take me for example. Despite being a Lakers, Raiders, and Dodgers fan, over the years I've loved Ken Griffey Jr., Allen Iverson, Ray Lewis, Derrick Rose, Mike Vick, Calvin Johnson, and Randy Moss among others.
20. However, it is not OK to root for two teams in the same league. For example, if your Twitter bio reads "#TeamLakers AND #Lob City," sit your ass down. NOW. Shit's embarrassing.
21. Steamin' Willie Beamen is the greatest fictional QB EVER.
22. Admit it guys, we've all eyefucked some of the cheerleaders when watching games.
23. If you are a Lakers fan old enough to at least remember a bit of the '90s and don't know who Nick Van Exel, Elden Campbell, and Eddie Jones are, you ain't about that life.
24. If you do not feel the need to improve your life after hearing a Ray Lewis speech, you have no soul, or if you're a dude, no balls.
25. 4 best fanbases in the NFL: 1. Raiders, 2. Eagles, 3. Bears & Chiefs. Judging purely by the number of absolute fucking lunatics I see tailgating or in the stands on TV.
26. Volleyball players got some nice asses.
27. Fuck Philip Rivers.
28. Fuck Frank McCourt too.
29. And fuck the fucking Diaz Brothers! Fuck 'em all!
30. When in doubt, always go with the dogs.
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