My Confession

In light of recent positive drug tests and suspensions for Melky Cabrera and Bartolo Colon, tonight I have decided to come forward and admit that I have used some of the same banned substances that Bartolo Colon tested positive for.

These substances are:

- In-N-Out (If you're not from the West Coast, look that shit up)
- Original Tommy's (same as above)
- Porto's (Cuban bakery in LA, all you need to know is their shit is addictive)
- The Habit (same as In-N-Out and Tommy's)
- Fatburger
- Ben & Jerry's
- Twinkies
- Ho-Hos
- SnoBalls
- Krispy Kreme
- Paletas (Mexican fruit ice creams, for all y'all who don't know)
- Carl's Jr.
- Mexican restaurants
- Chicarrones (Pork rinds, for all you non-Espanol speakers)
- Chinese buffets
- Italian food
- And, too many others to list here.